im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
