She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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