how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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