i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
