I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
