i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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