you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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