kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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