I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
oh god was she eating orange peels again
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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