I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
