I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
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I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
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well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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