Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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