i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
