The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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