I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
