just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Terrible idea I love it
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
