I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
