It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
