I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
