I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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