and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I need mimosas to revive my soul
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
