I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
