I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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