Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
