i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
there is puke in my bra ... again
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