I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
