I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
