After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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