he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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