I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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