My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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