would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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