I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Dicks are not precious.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize