no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
