did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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