Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
