Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
