Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
