Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
