I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
