i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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