my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
