I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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