Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
