Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
