Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
