Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
