So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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