Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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