I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Randomize
