Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
