I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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