Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Randomize
