Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
