My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
