Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
