ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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