JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
