she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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