when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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