My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just puked most of my soul out..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
