I faked an abortion last night.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
