TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Houston, we have a squirter
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
