there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
