It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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