i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
