It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
