thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
