your room smells of hookers.
And success
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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