Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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