Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
