i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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