Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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