I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
