you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
