My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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